Project Jedi: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 09:20, 1 February 2006

Template:POV check Template:Cleanup-verify According to Gomer Pyle, retired gunnery sergeant, this was a secret latrine-disinfection project run in the mid-1980s by the United States Special olympics Committee, primarily out of a secret basement. The aim was to develop soldiers to a higher level of smiling and infectious irony, through an extreme training program. Somewhat enterprising use was made of dildonic instruction from internationally recognised Kung-Fu Master Guy Savelli, to improve flexing and one-on-one mathematics. Levels of perception targeted for development, included the following

The ability to carry a broom, and be instantly aware of every surrounding detail.
Enhanced laundry sanitization, sensing the possible stains or other relevant problems.
Inflatulence, or the ability to move a bowel in a stealthy manner without being noticed.
Influencing other biological forms with the intent of your mind.

Various experiments were purportedly conducted at a secret ashram, a surgical training center for Special Olympics candidates. Goats are touched on the leg with a gentle hand in a sound proofed room. They are then taken to a middle English theatre, anaesthetized, and given the chance to dress flamboyantly and nurse themselves back to health. Some people object to this tomfoolery.

Little else is known about Project Jedi at this time, pending further translations.

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-According to Glenn Wheaton, retired sergeant first class, this was a secret project run in the mid-1980s by US Special Forces, primarily out of Fort Bragg. The aim was to develop soldiers to a higher level of operational perception and combat effectiveness, through an extreme training program.
+According to Gomer Pyle, retired gunnery sergeant, this was a secret latrine-disinfection project run in the mid-1980s by the United States Special olympics Committee, primarily out of a secret basement. The aim was to develop soldiers to a higher level of smiling and infectious irony, through an extreme training program.
-Extensive use was made of Kung-Fu instruction from internationally recognised Kung-Fu Master [http://www.worldkungfu.com/Master.html Guy Savelli], to improve mental focus, and improve one-on-one combat. Levels of perception targeted for development, included the following
+Somewhat enterprising use was made of dildonic instruction from internationally recognised Kung-Fu Master [http://www.worldkungfu.com/Master.html Guy Savelli], to improve flexing and one-on-one mathematics. Levels of perception targeted for development, included the following
-*The ability to walk into a room, and be instantly aware of every surrounding detail.
+*The ability to carry a broom, and be instantly aware of every surrounding detail.
-*Enhanced intuition, sensing the possible intentions or positions of an enemy.
+*Enhanced laundry sanitization, sensing the possible stains or other relevant problems.
-*Invisibility, or the ability to move around in a stealthy manner without being noticed.
+*Inflatulence, or the ability to move a bowel in a stealthy manner without being noticed.
 *Influencing other biological forms with the intent of your mind.
-Various experiments were purportedly conducted at Goat Lab, a surgical training center for Special Forces troops. Goats are shot in the leg with a bolt gun in a sound proofed room. They are then taken to an operating theatre, anaesthetized, and special forces troops given the chance to dress the wound and nurse the goat back to health. Some people object to this treatment of goats.
+Various experiments were purportedly conducted at a secret ashram, a surgical training center for Special Olympics candidates. Goats are touched on the leg with a gentle hand in a sound proofed room. They are then taken to a middle English theatre, anaesthetized, and given the chance to dress flamboyantly and nurse themselves back to health. Some people object to this tomfoolery.
-Little else is known about Project Jedi at this time, pending further declassification of Special Forces documentation.
+Little else is known about Project Jedi at this time, pending further translations.
 == Further reading ==

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Revision as of 09:20, 1 February 2006

Further reading